In This Reverie

-
Christina

One moment I am,
And the next, I’m not.
So who am I,
if not just a product of my thought.

Engrossed in this reverie,
Consumed by a new desire.
I’ll stop at nothing,
No thoughts to retire.

Yet this persistent nagging,
it tugs at my mind.
“Go away,” I exclaim,
I’ll do anything; I’ll leave it all behind.

So there, I quit,
Submissive to anguish.
Forever conflicted,
My flame is extinguished.

Now, I’m defeated,
Yet another nagging persists.
“Keep trying,” it says.
“All the more reason to exist.”

Despite the obstacles,
All the hurdles that test and quiz,
Nothing ever comes easy,
For reality never is.



This poem is the summation of a mental battle, replete with eagerness, stagnation, and persistence, and it details a process that regularly plagues my mind. Rather than traveling forward at a constant pace, I feel a jolting sensation, as if my feet are indecisively switching between the gas pedal and the brakes. Always forward, yet in intervals of rapid acceleration, halting stops, and resumed ignition.

If anything, opportunity's immense doors are standing ponderously ajar, yet at times, I'm hesitant to step through the threshold. Is it fear, incompetency, or something else that's holding me back? Something deeper that's hindering my ability to reach my full potential. 

Well, it doesn't matter what it is. Just that I'm able to overcome the resistance in my mind, and actively seek a renewal of energy and enthusiasm because time and time again, I've learned that nothing in reality ever comes easy. 

So to press ahead: that is my goal.

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